NEW BLOG: micheleballantyne.com
The reason for this new blog is because much of my focus has changed from taking classes and teaching meditation and blogging about my thoughts and life -- to creating art, selling it, and blogging about my thoughts and life (some things have not changed, ha ha).
In this blog I used the name Spirit Dreamer because I love it, and it was given to me when my kids were dancing with the Talako Indian Dancers here in Orlando. Now I am going to use my actual name which is going to be my brand for the art I make.
The big change occurring in my life, that started this outward shift, is an inner shift from taking classes and learning about living and awareness for the past 10 years, from Tom Brown Jr. of Trackerschool (see trackerschool.com), Malcolm Ringwalt of Earth-Heart (see earth-heart.net), and Carl Direske of Wilderness Fusion (see wildernessfusion.com), to stepping into my own life in a new and exciting way. Going within and trusting myself. Praying for help as I proceed, to stay focused on the bright path; the joy I find in life; color; art; nature; and especially family. I feel like I am graduating to life, prepared with a sense of self I had only questioned and wondered about before.
Funny how a 57 year old woman, mother of 9 children, grandmother of 12, can feel like she is only now stepping into herself. Well, I can't say it was the first time. I felt I was myself when I was younger, but life has a way of challenging everything you think you know and creating doubt and fear. I guess all those classes was like a major tune up. I think someone calls it "sharpening the saw". Well, my saw was rusty and had a lot of broken teeth (maybe all broken teeth). Now I feel like I've recreated my self in my own image, which was always there, only buried underneath all the negativity, judgements, should of's, could of's, and why didn'tcha's that I was bombarded with as I lived in that state of not really remembering and validating who I am. I remembered I know more about me than anyone else, excepting maybe for God.
Life feels exciting now. I can't say my conscious self can take the credit for the changes though. I was recently in to see the neurologist to find out why I was having so much anxiety and nerve pain. After talking with him, and some tests, he said he thinks I have Conversion Disorder, a condition that presents itself physically but is based on suppressed emotions. In other words, the subconscious mind screams at a person through physical symptoms because the person refuses to listen otherwise. It was only thanks to my subconscious mind that I had the gumption to change everything. Now, with John's support I am moving with the kids to Oregon to be near my extended family, and the natural world I love outdoors there, and I am starting a business to give me an opportunity to try my hand at making art and marketing it. Of course I am obsessing every day about it and having the time of my life!
My body is directing everything, including my thoughts. When I think of the exciting things I am creating for my life, like colors in my artwork, being with my sisters and kids in Oregon, making a business doing art, I feel like my heart is glowing with warm light and happiness, but if my thoughts drift to negative, or even neutral thoughts, my body starts hurting all over and my chest feels like it has an aching black hole in it! Not fun! It's a no brainer. I have to follow the path of what feels good. If I don't, I don't want to even think of what might happen to my sweet, faithful body. I love my body and want to take care of it, after all, it has been with me my whole life!!!
From now on this blog will focus solely on the more spiritual side of my life as it applies to what anyone could benefit from.
May you all be blessed and trust yourself as you connect with The Great Everything (one of my pet names for God).
